Jokes, Quotes & Sayings Page

Some of the members of our WebSite have been sending jokes and neat sayings from time to time and so I thought that it would fun to create this page so that all of these can be shared with everyone here.

This is what I remember

I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Sittin' on the porch, singing "rounds",
Hot bread and butter.
The ice cream man,
Eatin' a 'super dooper sandwich',
Red light, Green light, kick the can

Chocolate milk, Lunch tickets, candy chicken bones, peanut butter logs,
Penny candy in a brown paper bag.

Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch
Jacks, kickball, dodgeball, red rover

Mother May I?
Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds,
Jolly Ranchers, blowpops, Mary Janes, Lick'em Aid

Running through the sprinkler (I can't get wet! All right, well don't wet my hair....)
The smell of the sun and lickin' salty lips....

When around the corner seemed far away,
And going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Bedtime, Climbing trees,
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers,
Cops and Robbers,
Cowboys and Indians,
Sittin on the curb,
Jumpin down the steps,
Jumpin on the bed.

Pillow fights
Being tickled to death
Runnin till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from playin'.... Remember that?

When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds              &
PF Flyers),and the only time you wore them at school,            was for "gym."

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a            huge
bonus.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if
then.
When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had
their hair done, everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas      pumped,
without asking, for free, every time. And, you didn't   pay for air.
And, you got trading stamps to boot!

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry
groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a
real restaurant with your parents.

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ... and
did!

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to
the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and   grandparents were a much
bigger threat!

Last week at a seminar called "Stress and Disease," Dr. Nickolas Hall, an
expert in psychobiology, gave an example of a coping skill for job stress,
which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this: On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers.

You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that "every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested."

Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not
work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about the new nurse. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards," said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!" The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!" Suddenly, they hear a bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my gosh!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told the new nurse to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for
admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One
doctor stepped forward and said: "I was a pediatric spine surgeon and
helped kids overcome their deformities."

St. Peter said, "You can enter."

The second doctor said "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate
themselves."

St. Peter also invited him in.

The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was a HMO manager. I
helped people get cost-effective health care."

St. Peter said, "You can come in too."

But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added... "You can stay three
days. After that, you can go to hell."

Cops on the Take

First they take the oath.
Now look at all they take:

They take it in stride when people call them pig.
They take time to stop and talk to children.
They take your verbal abuse while giving you a
ticket you really deserved.
They take on creeps you would be afraid to even look at.
They take time away from their family to keep you safe.
They take your injured child to the hospital.
They take the graveyard shift without complaint because
it's their turn.
They take their life into their hands daily.
They take you home when your car breaks down.
They take time to explain why both your headlights have to work.
They take the job no one else wants--telling you a loved one has died.
They take criminals to jail.
They take in sights that would make you cry.
Sometimes they cry too, but they take it anyway because someone has to.
If they are lucky, they take retirement.*****
They take memories to bed each night that you couldn't bear for even one day.
Sometimes, they take a bullet.
And yes, occasionally they may take a free cup of coffee.
Then one day... they pay for all they have taken...and God takes them.

Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse

*7 have been arrested for fraud

*19 have been accused of writing bad checks

*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses

*3 have been arrested for assault

*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

*8 have been arrested for shoplifting

*21 are current defendants in lawsuits

*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving





Can you guess which organization this is? Give up?















It's the 535 members of your United States Congress. The
same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of newlaws designe to keep the rest of us in line.
Your tax dollars at work!

Second opinions

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The
vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him
put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the
still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his
dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to
accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat
down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to
tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and
meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks
that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head
to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man
and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial
diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

> Top 35 Oxymorons
>
> 35. State worker
> 34. Legally drunk
> 33. Exact estimate
> 32. Act naturally
> 31. Found missing
> 30. Resident alien
> 29. Genuine imitation
> 28. Airline Food
> 27. Good grief
> 26. Government organization
> 25. Sanitary landfill
> 24. Alone together
> 23. Small crowd
> 22. Business ethics
> 21. California Schools (sorry Michelle)
> 20. Jumbo Shrimp
> 19. Military Intelligence
> 18. Sweet sorrow
> 17. Rural Metro (an ambulance service)
> 16. "Now, then ..."
> 15. Passive aggression
> 14. Clearly misunderstood
> 13. Peace force
> 12. Extinct Life
> 11. Plastic glasses
> 10. Terribly pleased
> 9. Computer security
> 8. Political science
> 7. Tight slacks
> 6. A Definite maybe
> 5. Pretty ugly
> 4. Rap music
> 3. Working vacation
> 2. Religious tolerance
>
> And the number one Oxymoron...
> 1. Microsoft Works

FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
   2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
   3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
   4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
   5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
   6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
   7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
   8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
   misquoted, then used against you.
   9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
   10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
   11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
   12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
   13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
   14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
   15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
   16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
   17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
   18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
   19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
   20. I intend to live forever -- so far so good.
   21. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
   22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
   23. My mind is like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in 37 states.
   24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
   25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
   26. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.
   27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going
   the wrong way.
   28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
   29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
   30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
   31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
   32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
   33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
   34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
   35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
   36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
   37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the
   bread.
   38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to
   reach it.
   39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
   research.
   40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
   principles.
   41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
   42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
   44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
   45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
   46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
   47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
   48. Get a new car for your spouse -- it'll be a great trade!
   49. Plan to be spontaneous -- tomorrow.
   50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
   51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
   52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
   53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
   54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

FOR ALL OF US IN A HURRY . . . .

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55
zone. .. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so
often? When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but
only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe
some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping
out of his car, the big pad in hand.

Bob? Bob from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was
worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own
church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long
day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping
out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never
seen in uniform.

"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this." "Hello, Jack." No smile
"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."

"Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good.

"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules
a bit-just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.
"Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I
mean?"

"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our
precinct." Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to
change tactics.

"What'd you clock me at?" "Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car,
please?" "Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I
was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.

"Please, Jack, in the car."

Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it
shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.

The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad. Why hadn't he asked
for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays
before Jack ever sat near this cop again.

A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded
paper in hand. Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough
room for Bob to pass him the slip.

"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.

Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the
mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to
cost?

Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack,
Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the
man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had
one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can ever hug her
again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I
thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for
me. And be careful. My son is all I have left. Bob"

Jack...twisted around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the
road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he, too,
pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a
surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle with care.

Stories from records of the National Park System

.... clever creatures

A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car
keys while attempting to lure a ground squirrel by dangling
the keys out in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the
keys and ran down a hole with them. The keys were never
retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife,
and a locksmith was called to make new car keys.

.... putting our loved ones at risk for a photo

In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was
gored and seriously injured by a large male bison in
Yellowstone, next to the Lake Hotel. Moore and a friend had
approached to within 15 feet of the bison to have their
pictures taken. While they were standing with their backs to
the animal, it charged. Moore's companion escaped, but Moore
received a severe puncture wound in his right thigh and was
taken by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson for treatment.

.... watching for falling rocks

A visitor setting up camp at Lake Eleanor in Yosemite National
Park hit herself on the head with a rock while trying to
string up her food to protect it from bears.

.... requesting assistance

In 1994, a woman visiting from the Bay Area embarked on a solo
hike to the summit of El Capitan in Yosemite. When she became
lost and saw a storm brewing, she called 911 from her cellular
phone and asked to be rescued. A helicopter found her barely
off the trail and one-fourth to half a mile from the top of El
Cap. When the 'copter lifted off and the woman saw how close
she was to her summit goal, she asked the crew to set her down
on top. When the crew declined, she threatened to sue them for
kidnapping.

... caring for the creatures

A woman, appearing rather distraught, came into the visitor
center at Redwood National Park in California to report that
she had seen several Irish setters lying along the edge of the
highway and she feared they were dead or injured. Rangers
explained to her that these were pieces of redwood bark that
had fallen off logging trucks.

Quick Wit:
You know you're old when you have owned an album for 3 or more
decades in 4 different formats

Dear Lord:

Every evening
As I'm laying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head
God bless my mom and dad
And bless my little pup
And look out for my sister
When things aren't looking up
And God, there's one more thing
I wish that you could do
Hope you don't mind me asking
But please bless my computer too?
Now I know that's not normal
To bless a mother board
But just listen a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord'
You see, that little metal box
Holds more to me than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest a hundred of my 'BEST FRIENDS'
Some it's true I've never seen
And most I've never met
We've never exchanged hugs
Or shared a meal as yet....
I know for sure they like me
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Is how I travel to where they live
By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
I share in what life brings them
From that our friendship grew
"PLEASE" Take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless this scrap of metal
That's filled with so much love!

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort
from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend
to the Creator's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God
created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them
was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve! We got
Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Yes, WAY!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God,
wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the
elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break
and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the
first Parent wanted to know.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did Not!"

"Did SO!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was
that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus
the pattern was set, and it has never changed.
>
But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have
persistently and lovingly tried to give your offspring wisdom
and they haven't taken it, don't be too hard on yourself. After
all, if God ran into trouble handling children, what makes
you think it should be a piece of cake for you?

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police
station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most
wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the
photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would
tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I
would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in
praise, I would videotape each action and word, so I could play them back
day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say "I love you instead of assuming, you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one
slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an
oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our "I love you's",
And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I
can do's?" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,
that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a
kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their
one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,
tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's
okay", and if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for $15.00 to feed her family.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering; what is life all about, what is my purpose? Be thankful, there are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,
ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!

A guy goes into a restaurant, his shirt open at the collar, but is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in...

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just does't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, Well, OK, I guess you can come in - Just don't start anything."

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

   A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of
   their long and happy marriage.

   "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady.
   "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the
   bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far
   when my husband's mule stumbled.

   My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little
   farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband
   quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the
   mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his
   pocket and shot him.

   I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he
   looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into
the world a few months later.

As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family. Mom taught me to love the Word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries, and comedies were daily conversations.

He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening. He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several
movie stars. The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind, but sometimes Mom would quietly get up -- while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places -- go to bedroom, read her Bible, and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave. You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house-not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted.

My Dad didn't drink and didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt like we needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often. He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (too much, too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I know now that my early concepts of the man/woman relationship were influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave. More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. He's still there.

His name? We always just called him "T.V."

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.

A polar bear's skin is black. It's fur is not white, but actually
clear.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane
crashes.

Stewardessess is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Right handed people live on average nine years longer than left handed
people do.

The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every
letter in the english language.

The continents names all end with the same letter with which they start.

Typewriter, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on
only one row of the keyboard.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The words racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to
right or right to left.

A snail can sleep for 3 years.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from
each salad served in first-class.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of
1000 and a size of 108.7 acres.

Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other
people in the world.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the english language.

No president of the United States was an only child.

The couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.

"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic,
and how handsome you are?"

"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't
think anyone ever did."

"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea that you are ?"

TO EACH HIS OWN

I cannot change the way I am,
I never really try,
God made me different and unique,
I never ask him why.

If I appear peculiar,
There's nothing I can do,
You must accept me as I am,
As I've accepted you.

God made a casting of each life,
Then threw the old away,
Each child is different from the rest,
Unlike as night from day.

So often we will criticize,
The things that others do,
But, do you know,
they do not think,
The same as me and you.

So God in all his wisdom,
Who knows us all by name,
He didn't want us to be bored,
That's why we're not the same.

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is
      more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let
      that person know how you feel.
2. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the
      right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know
      how to be grateful for that gift.

3. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the
      romance in a relationship--and find out you still care for that
      person.
4. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to
      you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and
     you   just have to let go.
5. When the door of happiness closes, another opens but oftentimes we
      look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has
      been opened for us.
6. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and
     swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was
     the best conversation you've ever had.

7. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but
       it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it
       arrives.

8. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll
       love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow
       in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

9. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from
       the person whom you would like to hear them from, but
       don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from his
       heart.

10. Never say good-bye if you still want to try - never give up if you
       still feel you can go on - never say you don't love a person anymore
       if you can't let go.

11. Love comes to those who still hope although they've been
       disappointed- to those who still believe although they've been
       betrayed, need to love those who still love although they've been hurt
       before.

12. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like
       someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget
       someone.

13. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even
       that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes
       only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Hope you find the one
       that makes you smile.

14. There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you
       just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
       Hope you dream of that special someone.

15. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
       want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all
       the things you want to do.

16. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to
       make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make
       you happy and enough money to buy me gifts.

17. Always put yourself in others shoes. If you feel that it hurts
       you, it probably hurts the person, too.

18. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life;
       a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

19. The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves,
       and not twist them with our own image - otherwise, we love only the
       reflection of ourselves we find in them.

20. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
       everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along
       their way.

21. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have
       searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the
       importance of people who have touched their lives.

22. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

23. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you
       can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and
       heartaches.

24. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
       smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is
       smiling and everyone around you is crying.

25. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is
       yours. If it does not, it was never meant to be.